Why Harleys Suck!!

Ok, like the title says, first things first…Harley-Davidson Motorcycles suck, period. They are overweight, over priced, over-hyped, underpowered, pieces of cantankerous crap. If you own, or want to own, a H-D motorcycle, you are a victim of advertising and a conformist. That’s right, a conformist…not an individual. I'll discuss that more in detail later.

Since I’m on the subject of details, here is a list of the items I shall be discussing in this posting:

Intro: Part Deux

Now I know there are going to be those of you who are going to be absolutely incensed about my coming statements. If you find yourself thinking of me using any number of choice colorful metaphors, then no doubt, you fell victim to the H-D cycle company (I can’t bring myself to use the word “motor” when referring to Harleys anymore. "Cycle" is even a stretch.) I’ll be called anti-American for not having followed the legacy of the “American Iron” company. Well I’m fucking sorry. First off, I am an American, and the best kind. I’ve proudly served in the best Army on the planet (Active, not Reserve or Guard) for 12 years and counting. I have MY OWN opinion. I don’t pull punches or sugar coat what I think to appease the masses. I make my own decisions, something this country was founded on. I don’t sway my decisions to take the path of least resistance or most accepted. I consider myself an individual for who I am, not what I own.

You might be asking yourself right now, "What does this have to do with Harley-Davidson?" I’m making sure that as you're reading this, it's clear on where I’m coming from. An indiviual's argument is always more clear when you have an understanding of the speaker’s point of view. I don’t think that this is going to convince any of you, naturally. Most of you who ride H-D cycles are already so brainwashed that no amount of arguing, regardless of the validity of the argument, is going to convince you, but I digress.

Cruisers vs. Harleys

I should make this one point; I have no problem with cruisers, I actually like them. Sport bikes aren't for everybody. When I say “cruiser”, I am talking about non-sport bike types. I’m including standards, cruisers, customs, tourers, and power cruisers in the same category as far as this argument is concerned (not in real life, just for that sake of the argument here. I don't want to piss off the Wingers). Regardless of your type of ride, if it has two wheels, it's a motorcycle, period (with the possible exception of anything below 125cc). The beauty of motorcycling is there is a different bike for every rider’s wants or needs. The problem undermining all the beauty of motorcycling is the Harley-Davidson Motor Company.

There are a lot of motorcycle manufacturers that build great cruisers. There’s BMW, Honda, Kawasaki, Moto Guzzi, Suzuki, Triumph, Victory, and Yamaha that I can think of off the top of my head. All of these companies develop their motorcycles with a few simple things in mind. Those things are power, comfort, performance, reliability, and beating the hell out of the competition. When they develop their bikes, they work to make better bikes than they have made in the past and better than all the other companies. When they advertise their bikes, they boast about the ability and affordability of their machines. Harley-Davidson, however, does none of this.

Harley-Davidson does not sell motorcycles. They sell an idea, an image, a facade. They sell a “lifestyle”. They bombard people with this image that comes with buying their cycles. Compared to other motorcycle companies, H-D puts next to no time into the research and development of new and better cycles. They sell nostalgia, old bikes at new prices. If you look at their history, on average, H-D used the same engines from four to 28 years without updates.

Let’s do the math. From 1936 to 2003, H-D has released approximately 66 different models of motorcycles (the term “model” is used loosely, the word should be "variant") and 10 different engines (again, used loosely). That averages out to 6.6 bikes per engine. Almost every other motorcycle company I can think of has used the same engine in maybe two bikes, at most, three. Additionally, the engine designers of these other companies are continuously updating and revising their products using current materials, composites, techniques, and technologies. The advancements and competition move forward so fast that most companies have to fight to keep up with them, but somehow, they do. With more improvements developing every year, what does that say about H-D when they use every engine they produce an average of 10.3 years. Ask yourself this; how is it that Harley uses the same recycled engines year after year and the import companies spend millions of dollars on development, and H-D still charges you twice the price. What is it you're paying for exactly? The name? Are you really that stupid? They are using your naivety to rob you, and you're proud of it.

From 1985 to 2000, the only type of engine Harley was using was the Evolution engine, a total of three. Now, I can’t tell you exactly how many Harley models came out in those 15 years, but I’m sure it was more than the amount of engines used. It speaks volumes for the Research and Development team, doesn’t it? On top of that, for 2003, 18 different models of Harleys all use the same Twin Cam 88B engine. 18. How is it that H-D's Willie G. Davidson himself states that the engine is the jewel of a motorcycle, or what makes it stand out, and yet he uses it in 18 different "variants". This man has no concept of irony.

To add insult to injury, I’ve compiled some information to show you. I did a little comparison-shopping and came up with some not so surprising results. I compared the advertising from H-D for all its categories of bikes (I tried to get the advertising specs for specific bikes, but the website didn’t seem to have any, big surprise!), the Suzuki Intruder LC1500, and the Yamaha V Star 1100 Classic.

First, we will look at the advertising H-D used to get you into their shops straight from the Harley-Davidson website: (Oh, and the typos, bad grammar and punctuation errors are from the site. My additions are in blue)

A Harley-Davidson® motorcycle stirs things deep within a rider that, once felt, cannot be denied (yea, your kidneys are screaming after being shaken like a 007 martini). It stems from one of our oldest convictions (keep selling the same old tired crap). A tried-and true (old and dated) Harley design philosophy that a motorcycle must be something more. Something far greater than the sum of its parts (but not the sum of its price). This dedication to crafting iron takes shape and becomes real in the lines of our motorcycles (Iron? Iron? Aren’t most companies using aluminum now?). The way our Softail frames, with hidden rear suspensions, look undeniably clean and right. Or the way the Twin Cam 88B™ engine reverberates its unmistakable call (yea, loud and annoying). It’s in a detail as small as a saddlebag stud (exactly how does a “stud” improve a bike?). This is why these machines are so special to the people who own them.

The year was 1957 when the Harley-Davidson Motor Company first introduced the Sportster® line of motorcycles (and they still suck). It was immediately clear these bikes would be about one thing. Action (translation: repairs). It’s been forty-six years of twisting the throttle at the Main Street stoplight and giving a treat to those lucky enough to be nearby (Ok, here it is, straight from the horses mouth, its all about getting looks by annoying people with loud pipes, not performance). Forty-six years of boundless, satisfying torque. No doubt, they’ve earned their legendary stature. Blame it on the purity of the styling (there’s that word again). Or the thrill of a narrow-framed bike on an endless stretch of winding road. Or the everlasting nature of a versatile Evolution® V-Twin power mill (can you call an engine that pumps out an impressive 50 some odd hp a power mill?). That’s what the Sportster® has always brought to this old world. A hard and fast answer to the ancient call of the open road (or the open garage).

Take a good, long look at a Harley-Davidson® V-Twin engine, (ok, what's the big deal here, don't all Harleys have V-Twinkies?) and it isn’t hard to understand the appeal. It shines like a jewel at the center of the bike (again, H-D referring to how the engine LOOKS and not how it PERFORMS!!!). We built our first production V-Twin in 1909 (and they are still selling it). And from that point on, we’ve remained loyal (or should we stay, stagnant). The V-Twin has earned a rightful place in the Anniversary celebration, with a special crankcase insignia affixed to every one (the best thing they can mention about on the engine is the insignia, oh…my…God!). The bikes of the Dyna Glide family are the pure embodiment of the spirit of a Harley® V-Twin (big, heavy and slow). A Twin Cam 88®, filled with heart and power (not even). Rubber-mounted for smooth rides and giant miles (rubber mounting, how revolutionary…yawn). Then loaded with traditional custom style (style, again, blah, blah, blah). From the boulevard to the endless highway, nothing could ever feel better (than sitting on a paint mixer).

If the century has shown us anything, it’s the commitment riders make when they plunk down their hard-earned cash for a bike (and a lot of hard earned cash for a lot of overpriced bike). So we vow to never put our name on a motorcycle that rolls out of the factory door until we know for sure it will stand up to everything in the world beyond it (exactly what does this have to do with this particular style of bike?). From the crankpin on up, we design these motorcycles to be ridden long and hard (kind of like what the H-D salesman did to you when you gave him your money!) for a lifetime. We build a bike as if we were building it for ourselves (I’d bet you’d stop if you had to pay for them what you make everybody else pay). Then test it in ways that would send other bikes whimpering for home (uh-huh). That’s how we know something like the Twin Cam 88® engine in all our touring models (and your Softail models, and your Dyna Glide models…how much different can the bikes be if the engines are all the same…gives a new definition to that “Sum of all of it’s parts” statement made earlier) will be good for the long road ahead. The world just can’t throw anything at a Harley-Davidson® motorcycle that we haven’t thrown at it already (how about looks of pity for the poor sap that fell for your crap).

Ok, notice that nowhere in the advertising do they mention any actual performance data. No real engineering information. All that was really mentioned was how the engine looks, studs, looks people will give you, sound, old time styling (big one there), and the insignia. The fact that they use the same engine in three different styles of their bikes (which totals 18 different models) should be embarrassing.

Now, here is the adverting information given by two other motorcycle companies. To ease your reading, I have placed important information in red.

65 cubic-inch (1063cc), air-cooled, SOHC, 75° V-twin tuned to put out outstanding low- and mid-range torque—maximum torque is reached at only 2500 rpm—for exceptional overall cruising performance.
Forged lightweight pistons provide greater durability and reduced vibration and reciprocating mass.
Ceramic composite cylinder bore plating ensures superior heat dissipation for better cooling and longer engine life.
Thick cylinder cooling fins enhance the stylish look while increasing cooling efficiency.
Dual Mikuni 37mm carburetors with throttle position sensor feature a progressive pulley, electronic fuel pump, carburetor heater and handy side-mounted air filter to ensure consistent fuel flow, greater throttle response and optimum power throughout the rev range.
One-way cam clutch-type starter decreases mechanical noise during starting.
Low-maintenance shaft drive delivers superior reliability and smooth cruiser ride quality.
2-into-2 exhaust system with dual shotgun-style staggered pipes play outstanding V-twin music and simplifies aftermarket conversion.

Chassis/Suspension:

Low-slung, large-diameter, rigid double-cradle frame with 32° rake creates strong, stylish machine with precise, predictable handling.
Low, 27.9" seat height enhances maneuverability and provides extra confidence when waiting at stoplights.
Extra-long, 64.8" wheelbase produces long and low retro profile, with spacious ergonomics for added rider comfort and well-balanced handling.
Beefy, brushed steel telescopic front fork with 5.5" of travel smoothes out the bumps for incredible cruising ride quality.
Link-type, preload-adjustable single rear shock with 4.5" of class-leading travel lowers center of gravity for better handling and an extra-plush ride.
Rear shock tucked out of sight for a classic, hardtail look.
Large-diameter dual front (with floating dual-piston calipers) and single rear disc brakes provide strong, confidence-inspiring stopping power.
Comfortably placed, full-size rider floorboards enhance ride by minimizing vibration and fatigue.
Stylish heel/toe shifter adds versatility and enhances overall cruising comfort.
7-spoke cast aluminum wheels allow the use of tubeless tires.
Fat, 16" front tire helps create that Classic look of yesteryear while enhancing ride quality and comfort.
Wide-set handlebars enhance both overall ergonomics and retro styling.

Additional Features:

Thickly padded, low profile split tandem seat and passenger pillion pad offer all-day rider comfort and enhances overall ridability.
Industry-leading Star Family fit and finish features rich, lustrous paint and extensive chrome accents that create a stunningly timeless machine.
Large, 4.5-gallon teardrop fuel tank features class-leading fuel capacity for extra long-distance cruising range.
Deeply balanced steel fenders combine timeless styling with rugged durability.
Eye-catching, tank-mounted speedometer designed with a large face for easy reading of trip meter/odometer displays and turn signal, neutral, high beam, low oil and engine diagnostic indicator lights.
Under seat helmet holder increases convenience for rider.
Locking compartment under side cover provides handy, secure storage for small items.
Chrome 12V 60/55-watt halogen headlight looks incredible and helps maximize nighttime visibility.
Maintenance-free 12V 14AH battery ensures dependable, no-hassle starting.

Notice how the two import companies use terms like increased, comfort, reliability, enhanced, performance, power, precision, ease of maintenance, and ergonomics. They actually provide useful engineering information to make you want to buy their motorcycle. They give you valuable information that can be used to compare it to other motorcycles. The Harley ads just spout out a bunch of crap about empty philosophies, looks, and of all things, insignias. How does an insignia improve performance, reliability, or comfort? (Physical comfort, not the emotional kind lemmings like you get for thinking you made a good purchase.) Not one time do the import ads mention anything about the motorcycle's insignia. They let their motorcycle's speak for themselves. I know that there are import owners that wear and display the insignia of the motorcycle they own, but their pride stems from something a little different (and smarter) then the H-D flock. To understand their pride, I'll ask you another question:

Are you proud of the bike because of the insignia, or proud of the insignia because of the bike?

Ponder that for a second.

However, it is Harley’s type of advertising that has convinced millions of plebeians to either own, want to own, or relish their bikes. I just don’t get it. If you do any research at all, you would know that you could buy a comparable/better motorcycle from a myriad of different companies for half the price (sometimes less than half) of a Harley-Davidson. What I really don’t understand is how you can get a better import motorcycle for half as much as a so-called American motorcycle, in America. I also don’t understand how Harley can charge what they charge when 18 of their models for 2003 have the exact same engine. Or how if the damn thing is built here, why you have to wait so damn long to get it. The logic escapes me.

Come to think of it, while we are on the subject of advertising, H-D has another method for spreading the word around for their bikes, merchandising. That’s right; Harley-Davidson has put their “insignia” on everything from t-shirts, to Ford trucks (I even saw a dog's chew toy with a Harley logo on it, appropriate if you think about it). It’s pathetic really. Harley Davidson struts around placing its bar and shield logo on anything it can get its chromed mitts on. What contribution does it make to the items it slaps it’s insignia on, none.

Did you know that H-D makes more money from merchandising all kinds of non-motorcycle related crap than it does selling its motorcycles? That’s right ladies and gentlemen, the majority of the money that is brought in by this so called motorcycle company isn’t even from selling their motorcycles or motorcycle parts. Yes, other motorcycle companies use merchandising, but nowhere near to the extent of Harley-Davidson. Chew on that.

Harley Riders

Ok, unlike the last section, this will be short and sweet. I want to point out that I’m not lumping every person who owns/rides a Harley into one big group. There are several real motorcyclists that ride Harley-Davidsons that think the same way I do when it comes to motorcycling, two wheels is two wheels (though I do still pity them a little). This little rant is directed towards those high and mighty shit heads that seem to have a problem with the whole damn world.

Now, in the years I’ve been riding, I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve gotten that same old line…you know the one I’m talking about. That same old canned question, “When are you going to get a real bike?” If you have ever asked that question, you are not a real motorcyclist. You are an image junkie and a cancer eating away at the spirit of motorcycling. What I find most ironic is that most of the riders with the “real bike” attitude are the same people who are so proud of the American way of life. Well, isn’t one of those ways of life have something to do with free will? You know, that I can buy whatever I want with my hard earned green? You people with all this “pride” should be embracing the diversity in motorcycling, instead you preach conformity, and don’t even know it.

You heard me right, conformity. Most of you who ride those k-pound, two wheeled, sludge pumps bought them to fit in to a group, yet relish in your claimed individuality. Sorry, but you can’t have it both ways. In order to be an individual, you have to be different than everybody else, not make a purchase to be like everybody else. How many "individuals" have to get dressed up in the same BLACK leather garments before you become a group? I don't know, you tell me.

What I Ride.

Now that I have rubbed Harley-Davidson's nose in the proverbial poop they are constantly feeding to the public, it's time to discuss the other side. Sport bikes!! Yea!!! From my experience, a majority of Harley riders love to refer to them as "Jap-Crap." Let me educate you. Japan is not the only country producing this so called "crap." There is Triumph (British), Aprillia, Ducati, Bimota, and MV Agusta (all Italian), oh yea, and Buell (American, but barely a sport bike, more of a sport-afterthought.). Another thing I'd like to note is that almost all the Italian bikes are V-twins (the Brits like triples a lot). However, these V-twins are constantly redesigned and enhanced for better performance and power. Oh yea, and they have different engines in almost all their bikes.

Oooh.

Another thing I always hear about Sport bikes are references to plastic. Yes, there is plastic on every sport bike, as well as other space-age composites such as carbon-fiber. Let me fill you in, the plastic is for aerodynamics, something H-D knows nothing about. Under all that plastic are very well engineered aluminum frames, sub frames, and *gasp* engines. Oh, and let's not forget titanium and magnesium.

While we are on the subject of engines, can anybody explain to me why sport bike engines are half the displacement of H-D engines, yet have twice the horse-power? Mmm. Harley R&D caught sleeping again. (Actually, comparing sport bikes to Harleys isn't really fair. It's like comparing motorycles to, well, Harleys.)

Basic Economics

The world is getting smaller everyday. Adversely, the economy as a whole is growing. What do I mean you ask, I'll elaborate. The way money is changing hands nowadays is different than it was years ago. These days there is a lot more money coming from and going to other countries. Every country is buying and selling to every other country. No country in this world is self sufficient. There are just as many foreign products as American products in our stores. Here's the kicker...as long as you buy something in this country, it helps the economy, regardless where the product is from. The store profits from your purchase. They in turn use those profits to pay the employees that put it on the shelves or ring it up. They also had to pay some American delivery company to who paid some American delivery driver to deliver it to the American store, and on...and on...and on...

You buy here, you pay here, it helps here. Period.

Now, some of you will argue that some foreign company still profits, and that is true. But American companies profit from sales and services they provide in other countries. It's a balance. It's trade. It's how it works.

Interesting side note: Your "American made motorcycle", contrary to popular belief, was not MADE in America. It was assembled here, mostly. Most of the electronic components in a H-D cycle are made in Japan, China, or Taiwan. The carbs are made in Japan and sent here for assembly. So your Harley is just as much a rice burner as that Jap Crap you so abhor. Eat that!!

You've been punked!

That's it! I think I've already summed that up with what I've said so far. Not much more to say.

Dénouement.

The whole point of this is simple. If you bought a Harley-Davidson based solely on the fact that it was a Harley, you're an idiot. There are hundreds of better motorcycles out there. Motorcycles that run smoother, respond better, are more comfortable, and cost a hell of a lot less. Most people shop around for the best their money can buy. Not so with most H-D owners. They mistake their stupidity for pride. The next time you kick your leg over that bike of yours, whatever it may be, think about why you ride what you ride. If you bought it for the name on the emblem, the looks you're going to get, or to gain acceptance, you're not a biker, you're a small cow in a big dumb herd. Keep following the crowd, asshole. The next time you're broke down on the side of the road, just remember how much fun it was to get there while you're wondering how your going to get back. I'll just try to contain my laughter when I stop to help you.

Red.

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